Today, I received my fifth mix of the New Year from the boys, to mark the anniversary of the day I came home, if time is real, and was ever a straight line to begin with. I'm sitting here now trying to compose a reply, which was always a courtesy and never a necessity.
Mixes of music were always a secret and private affair until October of 2015, when Brad and I gingerly set up a time to meet and listen together to something I'd made for him. We drove together in his car to the other side of town, where he stopped in the parking lot of a church and put his lipstick on me. It was brash and confrontational and immediate. He was so nervous, his hands shook, to be listening to something with me that before we would keep so sterile. I in one room and he in another, synced and texting, to keep the mess of emotions from spilling into someone else.
Their yearly welcome home is sometimes loosely themed, this time done anonymously as if they were one man, or one boy, that I rapidly understood to be Peter. A single voice of romance, echoing in intervals Joshua and Brad, then Clyde and Drama, then Matthew descending fast into Adam. I've decided I should reply to that boy especially, before anyone on their own. It feels important to acknowledge that I am aware of the force of that boy, and how imperative is his survival.
My first series will be the ten ways he makes me feel when he walks into a room:
Adam: Let Me Come On Home by Otis Redding
Brad: Aurora Gone by Midlake
Clyde: Crazy Love by Chelsea Wolfe
Dean: Extinguish Me by Soap&Skin
Drama: This Magic Moment by The Drifters
Grady: Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler
John: Bitten by Patrick Wolf
Joshua: Leviathan, Bound by Shearwater
Matthew: Me And The Devil by Soap&Skin
Nick: Cico Buff by Cocteau Twins
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